I Dropped a Tear...

"I dropped a tear in the ocean, and whenever they find it I will stop loving you."
__Anonymous__

On Some Beach...

We walk hand in hand with the beach stretching out miles before us. The warm nights air blows back our hair while the cool water nips at our toes. He suddenly stops then uses our linked hand to pull me into his grasp. Staring me in the eyes, the softly spoken "I love you" barely makes it out before he presses his lips against mine. With a jolt of electricity, the kiss works its way around my body causing my heart to skip and my lungs to stop for a split second before I start breathing heavier. I want him forever I think only to be interrupted by another compulsive thought- I need him forever. I press my lips back against his, my True Love, my Amor, my Everything, thinking to myself this is where they belong, this is where I belong. Taking my hand, he leads me to a blanket awaiting our arrival. Sitting there holding each other everything is perfect. we cling to each other not wanting this moment to be over. Watching as the world continues around us, as the tide draws us closer, we watch as the waves crash against the stars.

"Love builds up the broken wall

and strengthens the crooked path.

Love keeps the stars in the firmament

and imposes rhythm on the ocean tides.

Each of us is created of it,

and I suspect,

each of us was created for it."

~Maya Angelou

Two Places Two People...

Two places,

Two people,

One heart-

that beats with a melancholy tune.

It will never stop.

For their love is perpetual and enduring.

Together forever,

The way it was meant to be.

Two places,

Two people,

One heart-

Against the world.

Without You

Without You

The teardrops fall,

Slowly,

one by one.

The world seems so wrong

so cold.

The sound of laughter,

Dies,

quietly inside.

I don't know what it is

anymore.

The beat of two hearts,

Stop,

destroyed by the world.

Why does he have to go

away.

The teardrops fall,

Slowly,

one by one.

The world seems so wrong,

so cold.

I do.

I BooBear take thee My Love to be my lawful wedded husband, to have and to hold from this day onward, for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love, honor, and cherish, until death do us part.

This vow I take now and I will repeat the day I advance down the alter to be greeted with your love. I can not wait to walk down the isle staring forward at you seeing love radiating in your smile and my new future with you laid before me. I dream of spending my forever with you and not one moment short. My love for you grows each and every single day. I will always be there for you, you can count on that like you can count on the sun to rise. I will never leave your side until you ask me to, and even then I will be reluctant. You know true love when you can see the persons faults and love them even more because they are far from perfect. Even though you are not perfect, my love, your faults make you perfect for me. This world is vicious. Like a hungry monster, it tears off pieces of people's humanity and breaks them apart limb by limb. Although a lot of people may believe this is life and life is in its most simple yet complex form- cruel, but love is the answer that stops the ache. Before my life was hell, now this love, this True Love, that I feel makes life worth living. I find myself living with no regrets and looking onward at the new day with a mischievous smile spread across my face. I know that no matter what I do in the end you will always love me even if I make a few (or a lot) of mistakes. You showed me how to live. For that, I am forever grateful and I pray I have showed you what True Love can do.

"Life is making mistakes and Death is wishing you made a whole lot more."

Save Your Heart

She fell to the bottom of her life, this wasn't meant for two

She struggles to find herself in time but she can barely move

Just try and get up, you gotta slowly brush off

I know that words aren't enough but you're better than this.

Save your heart for someone that's worth dying for

Don't give it away

Torn apart, never getting what you've been crying for

It's always the same

She turns the pages everyday just to change the mood

But every chapter reads the same, it's so hard to make it through

Just try and get up, you gotta slowly brush off

I know that words aren't enough but you're better than that

Save your heart for someone that's worth dying for

Don't give it away

Torn apart, never getting what you've been crying for

It's always the same

And you give and you take

And it's love that you want but not love that you make

Save your heart for someone that's worth dying for

Don't give it away

Save your heart for someone who leaves you breathless

and I know that you're scared

Seems like someone said you had it in you

All along, you said you knew this was wrong

But still worth dying for

And you give and you take

And it's love that you want but not love that you make

Save your heart for someone that's worth dying for

Don't give it away, don't give it away

~~~Mayday Parade, Save Your Heart~~~

I love you so much, I always will. I have saved my heart for you. Without you there is no me and most obviously no us. Please never let me know what it is like to be without you. Please Love remember, you ARE worth dying for.

Mika...

I LOVE MIKA!

Grace Kelly

Lollipop

11:11 PM

Patiently and eagerly, I wait for my clock to strike 11:11 PM. Every night that I am lucky enough to look down and see that time, I make the same wish. I wish to be with him. For three years I've sat in this very spot thinking about him every single day. Not a moment passes when the thought of him is not floating around somewhere in my head. My every waking second consists of wonder. I'm constantly thinking about how his skin will feel when it brushes against mine, how his lips will taste as their presence lingers on me, how our life will turn out, etc. Every dream I have (or at least remember) portrays our future together; our first time, our first home, our marriage, our children. After each night i roll over to greet him in the morning with a kiss. Only after the dazed feeling left over from the dream vanishes I realize what was believed to be him was only my pillow pressed against my back. My conscience knows he is not near but the luxury of last night's dream where his lips were pressed tightly against mine makes everything feel so real. I am yet to feel his kiss but somehow the imaginary presence lingers. I cannot think of a way to describe this constant yearning I have for him. Most nights I cry myself asleep, needing him there beside me, and every night, he is not. I have faith that one night, if even that's all I'm allowed to have, he will be there beside me. I know how hard he is working to make this a reality, I know that I'm not the only one who feels this emptiness, and I know I'm not the only one who is tired of sleepless nights and restless days, but each day is becoming harder to bear. At 11:11 PM not only do I wish for him, I wish to know this truth:

"You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep

because reality is finally better than your dreams."

~Dr. Seuss

Have you ever thought...?

Have you ever read a book that made you think of how the Heavens and the Universe worked? Or just thought about it one night staring up into the sky? Is it plausible that this life was not our one and only? All these questions I ponder every once in a while. For example, do the Hindus and the Buddhists have is right? Does our karma really effect our dharma in such a way we reincarnate every so many years trying to find the right path? Do we really have a purpose to be on this planet? Are we reincarnated to finish our unfinished business in our past life? Do we have only one soul mate?

If we do reincarnate, why? If we are finding the path to righteousness what is the true definition of being good? The Buddhists believe that life is suffering and in order to decrease the amount of suffering you must rid yourself of all desires. Is it not what all humans desire most to be loved? To feel affection? How can one give those emotions up? What must be done in our life time to affect our karma and overall our dharma? Say we really do reincarnate, is it because we are given one specific task to complete in all of our lifetimes so that in the end we achieve the ultimate afterlife? Is there an afterlife? Or is it an abyss of endless darkness where a soul wanders aimlessly? Does the soul parish with the body as one unit or continue on? These people we encounter as friends, do they too reincarnate along with us? Do we have one true love? Do we try to be in love all these people looking for affection until we [hopefully] discover our long lost soul mate? In each lifetime does the person who is your soul mate find you over and over again (if permitted) so that your love can continue even after this body has faded into the depths of history? Scientists say we only use about 10% of our brain (let's pretend that is not controversial) could that other 90% be a storage of memories our soul carries from body to body?

Thousands of questions race through my mind. Sadly, none can be answered but it is entertaining to think about. Love, what is your opinion? Two more questions:
If everything is contained in something.... what contains the universe? As in what is beyond the universe?

and...

What is the reason for the beginning of the universe if everything happens for a reason?

My Addiction

Addicted to:
His voice
His smile
His face
His neediness
His compassion
His love
His everything...I'm addicted to him.

Over these years I've become addicted to him. He is what drives me every single morning. His essence is all I need to push forward. The days that hardly seem bearable, he's been there, he always has been and always will be. Men come my direction more often then not and I'm not going to lie sometimes I'm a little more than curious, however, this love that Texas and I share overcome any thoughts. I have chose him and I will always choose him. Those nights when he is gone, I hardly sleep, I toss and turn, kick and squirm, but the nights he's there are the nights I don't move at all. Everything is perfect with him even if he himself is not perfect. I don't want him to be either. His flaws are part of what makes me love him. Love isn't finding the person who is perfect. The person with the perfect hair, body, smile, or even the most perfect life. True love is when you see these imperfect parts of them but love them just the same. This love is unconditional; Forever and Always.

Le Melon: I Love You

Nîn Meleth,
I miss you terribly and you haven't even been gone that long. The world seems to slow down its rotation when you are not near. This life we are leading right now kills me. Alone and vulnerable, I sit here lifeless in a daze as the world slowly continues around me. I truly am not anything without you here to animate me. When my life was hardly bearable a few years back you were the person who saved me. You made me realize there is a better life out there if you to choose to take that path. "The only time I feel any sense of peace is when I lock myself away from the world in complete darkness." My love, let me be your light, follow me and together we will be at last. You say you cannot live without me and nor can I without you beside me. You have said you felt like dying would be easier. I am telling you that dying would only increase the problems of the world and it would leave the people you love and the people who love you alone to face this corrupt world.
If you were to die, I would follow soon after; I simply cannot live with the pain of losing my one true love.

You're all I hoped I'd find
In every single way
And everything I could give
Is everything you couldn't take
Cause nothing feels like home, you're a thousand miles away
And the hardest part of living
Is just taking breaths to stay

Mayday Parade~ Miserable At Best

Meleth,

Le Herves, Le Galad

(Love,

Your Wife, Your Light)

My Anchor

It's amazing how you really can be surrounded by friends and family that care about you as well as some strangers yet feel so alone. It may sound cliche but it is the truth. I'm so unhappy and yet people seem to believe I am one of the happiest people they know. Wow, I have them fooled. Though it hurts me that no one sees how I feel under this mask I am beyond pleased people fall it. This mask covers my emotions from the outside world so save me from answering simple questions people will not understand the simple yet complex answers that my mouth will spew. I need him. I cannot be happy unless he is here beside me, his fingers laced in mine ready to take on the world by my side. Each day my love for him grows, which only means void I feel for him intensifies and in turn causes each day without him to be more miserable than the last. I have done nothing to deserve this love that he gives me but now that I've had a taste, like a vampire and blood, I need it to survive. With him I don't need to pretend to be something I'm not and this mask I wear he sees right though it and unlike everyone else, he doesn't judge. I need to spend the rest of my life with him because without him I will never allow myself to thrive. These people around here keep me anchored while he, my love, lets me soar.

Rage: -noun; angry fury; violent anger.

One Christmas quite a few years ago I received a journal from my mother. It took me exactly a year to write something in it because for some reason I hate to ruin paper with my inane thoughts and chicken scratch handwriting. In that black and pink journal I wrote down my day in over simplicity except the nights I was awakened by snarls and booms. It may sound as if it were every child's nightmare to awaken to find their parents in a brawl. As messed up and crazy as it sounds, although it bothered the hell out of me, it was comforting, normal, something I had grown up with before my stepfather and before I received this savior. Savior. Savior; the word has never come to me as to what to call these ludicrous words I throw together in order to express whatever it is that is eating its way around my helpless body. All of these epic nights where I wrote down the nasty things that had happened between my mom and step dad they made me remember when I was little. Every single one of those nights walking to stand between my parents in my Barbie nightgown. It was normal then and remained normal and still is today even if I outgrew my nightgown. I love my parents. I really do love them even if they cannot love each other the way love and marriage is supposed to work. When I would cry myself to sleep on those nights of the fights, as much as I loved them, in that black and pink book I would pray to never let me be like my mother and to never marry the man who would fill me with such rage and to never let my children have to seek sanity between the lines of the paper. As I get older and help raise my two younger brothers I find myself turning more and more into this person who has lost all patience. I'm giving in to the easiness of rage instead of fighting against it as I have for all of these years. Now, it is so much easier to threaten people then to actually sit down and ask. I don't know what I'm becoming but you are what gives me hope. Promise me that our lives will not lead to fighting about anything more than any normal thing like what color to paint the baby's room or whose turn it is to pick the movie. I couldn't live with myself if I make our children experience not only what I experienced but what you experienced. I want to be a good mother like my mother is but I feel this rage winning. I need you here to help me control it because you are the only one who can.

These Lonely Nights

These nights sitting here alone are the nights that are slowly killing me. These nights when your voice and essence are so far away are the nights that cause me to lose my sanity piece by piece. These nights when I don't hear from you are the nights when I cry myself to sleep.

Without hearing from you I simply cannot function. These long, cold, lonely nights are constant reminders of what life is like without you near. When you are gone all I want to do is sleep because my dreams are the only thing that connect you and me. Lying there, willing myself to sleep, it's honest to God one of the hardest things I have to face. Sure these dreams bring me closer to you but I worry too much about you to sleep. I know you are simply busy slaving away but who knows what could happen to you at any point in time. However, that doesn't explain the feeling I have as I force the slumber upon me. It's more than the fact that I'm worried. It's the fact that my deepest fear is living in front of me, engulfing me. I'm alone.

Love, I am beyond tired of these tears being shed. I know that it hurts you when you see that I have been crying. I know that the last thing you ever want to do is hurt me and to cause me this constant pain i feel in your absence. You must believe me when I say it is not you that causes this hole and this pain. It is the fear of losing you and never having the chance to be by your side. I'm not a religious girl but I do have faith. I have faith that we will be together- someday. I may not attend church on Sunday or thank God before each meal and I may have broken almost every commandment, but these lonely nights, when I'm tossing and turning while my face is buried in my tear drenched pillow, I send a silent prayer asking for just one chance no matter the price to if even for only a moment feel your skin brush against mine.

These lonely nights are the nights that are slowly killing me. These lonely nights when you are so far away from me are making me go insane. These lonely nights are the nights tears and eyeliner smear my pillow.